She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
