fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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