You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
