Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You're like the curious george of whores
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
