there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
