He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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