What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
