I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
