dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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