I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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