32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
