It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
