Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
