textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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