if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
