I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
