also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
