i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize