that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize