you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize