Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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