I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
