u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
