Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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