when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
