If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
