what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize