just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I deserve this hangover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
