u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
