maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
