I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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