does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
