Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
