i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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