Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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