once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
