this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
