I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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