I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she told me i tasted like america
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
