remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
