Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
