He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize