Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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