New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
