i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
