Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
