he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
