I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
