the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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