And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He felt like a one man threesome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
