She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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