I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
