I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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