she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
