tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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