i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
