did you get engaged???
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
