youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
