I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize