She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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