i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
