finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize