and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found puke in my bra..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
