Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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