Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
