Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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