omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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