i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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