If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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