I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
