Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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