u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
