I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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