I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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