Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
