a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
