I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
