so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
