I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
