Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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