Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize