Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
