If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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