I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
