oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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