I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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