Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
