This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
