He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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