What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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