i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
