you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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