this just has baby written all over it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
