I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
