also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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