If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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