he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
