I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
