I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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