was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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