She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize