Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
