look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize