I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
