Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
two words: eviction party
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
