I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
