ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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