Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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