this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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