i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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